Some Words from the Wise
Coming out is a deeply personal decision, often fraught with fears of risk and rejection, of creating unnecessary drama, of hurting others, and of bringing shame to the family. While some of these fears are very real, sometimes they’re only imagined. Either way, they can create great reluctance in us to share our deepest truths. Sometimes a little inspiration is in order.
To that end, here are a few quotes from people who have gone through the process, often at great personal, professional, or financial risk. In Chinese, we might think of these people as 过来人[guo lai ren]，literally people who’ve “come over from the other side” (the English equivalent might be “been down that road before”, but particularly when it comes to changing their positions on something due to their experiences). Perhaps there are words in your native language that describes the idea too – if so we’d be curious to learn what they are! Leave a comment below if you do!
While their stories are different, their conclusions are the same. For them, coming out provided a new opportunity to love themselves and others in a whole new way. Perhaps they will be an inspiration to you.
Sir Ian McKellen
Personally, coming out was one of the most important things I’ve ever done, lifting from my shoulders the millstone of lies that I hadn’t even realised I was carrying.
Sir Ian McKellan is arguably one of the greatest actors working today. He came out in 1988 on a live broadcast on the BBC, despite being terrified of how it would affect his friends, family, and career. He has said that coming out made him a happier person and a much better actor, by being able to finally “tell the truth” with emotions. His greatest regret is not having come out to his family before they passed away.
Jason Collins
I’ve endured years of misery and gone to enormous lengths to live a lie. I was certain that my world would fall apart if anyone knew. And yet, when I acknowledged my sexuality, I felt whole for the first time. I'm much happier since coming out to my friends and family. Being genuine and honest makes me happy.
Jason Collins was a center in the National Basketball Association for 13 years. He was the first professional basketball player ever to come out.
Tom Daley
It felt like it was my dirty little secret. It felt like I had chains wrapped around me and I couldn’t say anything, and I couldn’t be who I wanted to be. I felt so alone and trapped in who I was . . . for people to be supportive about it, it has been amazing.
Tom Daley is a British Olympic Gold Medalist in diving and an Officer of the British Empire (OBE). Despite being warned by managers and coaches that it might ruin his career, he came out publicly in a YouTube video in 2013.
Rachel Maddow
Coming out is hard, being in the closet is harder.
Rachel Maddow is an American journalist who is also a Rhodes Scholar. She currently hosts the most popular political cable television show in America.
There’s a war that breaks out within people when they realize they’re something they might be afraid of. . . but you’re only one person. You only get one life.
Pete Buttigieg is a Rhodes Scholar, a former US Naval Officer, former mayor of South Bend, Indiana, was the first openly gay candidate for US President and is currently the US Secretary of Transportation. He came out publicly in 2015 just before his campaign for re-election as mayor.
Pete Buttigieg
Laura Jane Grace
I think that coming out has made me a lot better person. It’s made me a less stressed-out person because I no longer have to compartmentalize my life. And just realizing in a lot of ways that you shouldn’t underestimate people and that people will be there to support you, it can really surprise you in life.
Laura Jane Grace is an MTF transexual American musician who came out in 2012, being the first to do so in the Alt-rock scene.