Navigating Family Dynamics When Coming Out to Asian Parents
If you identify as LGBTQ and Asian and are planning to come out to your parents, it’s important to prepare yourself for the family dynamics that may arise during this conversation.
One important aspect to consider is how to help your parents deal with their emotions afterwards. Many Asian parents may not be equipped to deal with their own emotions and may react to unpleasant or unwanted emotions by removing the perceived cause of those feelings, such as attempting to “cure” or “alter” their gay child, or by removing themselves from the perceived source of their unhappiness, such as saying “I don’t want to see or hear anything about it”. It’s important to understand that your parents’ reactions may come from a place of love and concern for you, and that they may have their own cultural and religious beliefs that clash with your identity.
To prepare yourself for the conversation, you can start by sharing coming out stories within the LGBTQ Asian community. There are many resources available, including Asian LGBTQ organizations that provide support and resources to individuals like you. These organizations can help you understand how to have the conversation with your parents and can connect you with other queer Asian individuals who have gone through similar experiences.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s coming out story is unique, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach. Your parents may react positively, negatively, or somewhere in between. They may have questions or concerns that you are not prepared to answer, and it’s okay to take time to process your own feelings before responding.
Learning about Asian LGBTQ history and activism can also be helpful. Understanding that there are others who have fought for LGBTQ Asian rights and visibility can be empowering. Asian LGBTQ representation and visibility have come a long way in recent years, but there is still much work to be done.
Cultural attitudes towards LGBTQ individuals are not monolithic across all Asian cultures. Some cultures may be more accepting of LGBTQ individuals, while others may be more conservative. Understanding your own cultural background and the attitudes towards LGBTQ individuals within that culture can help you prepare for the conversation with your parents.
Ultimately, coming out to your Asian parents can be a challenging experience, but it can also be a liberating and empowering one. Finding support within the LGBTQ Asian community and learning about Asian LGBTQ culture and history can help you feel more grounded in your identity. Once you are grounded and sure of your own identity, it will be easier to be the adult in the conversation when you come out to your parents, should they be unable to control their emotions during the initial conversation. Remember that you are not alone, and there are many resources available to you as you navigate this journey, including here at Coming Out Asian.