Why do we come out? (Part Three)
Deep in our core, most of us have the desire to come out of the closet. We want to live authentically, be ourselves in the open, and have people love us for being who we are, not who we pretend to be. These are certainly good and just reasons to come out, but there are other reasons we may not often think about.
The following reasons to come out may not be the most obvious, but they are important – some for improving our mental health, some for improving our interpersonal relationships, and others to further the acceptance of our place in society and those of our LGBTQ brothers and sisters.
Help empower others –
We start out alone, just us and our secret. No one to turn to – to share our feelings with, to help us navigate life, to help us defend against ridicule, to tell us everything will be alright, to show what is possible in now and in the future. Our lives are filled with role models, often of the hero archetype, an athlete, a movie star, a successful businessperson. But role models are more often found closer to home: parents, relatives, teachers, and community leaders. These are people we look to for guidance, for strength, for inspiration, for a way forward.
But what happens when you don’t have a role model? Many LGBTQ people don’t. We might look at out celebrities to see that gay people can be successful in life, but out celebrities don’t do much to help with our navigating a bully, or handling a crush on someone, or dodging questions about when we’re going to get married or deciding whether and when to come out. They don’t help us with feeling normal. Imagine if you’d had someone in your neighborhood or family to look up to, who you could maybe talk to about life, who by just knowing they were there, you wouldn’t feel so alone?
Coming out not only empowers us, it empowers those around us. By being out, we give a voice not only to ourselves, but to others, especially those who can’t speak up for themselves. We become role models. We blaze a trail for those not yet out and all those who will come after. We become wayfinders for those who seek guidance. We give permission, both implicitly and explicitly, for others to become their best Selves. We act as Guides to the Unknown for those who can’t see past the current moment. We motivate, teach, touch, and provide haven to those who are struggling. We reach others hearts and minds, all without saying a word.
Quite simply put, by living an out, normal existence, we inspire, offer hope, give comfort and respite, and make the world a better place
To champion the cause of human rights – Quite simply, there is strength in numbers. Look to societies where being out is more accepted that in yours. How did those societies get there? There was a normalization that happened over time– in media, in people speaking out, in public visibility, in wealth – that changed society’s and lawmaker’s minds – and people began to understand oppression and lack of freedom.
Now it may sound grandiose to claim that your little personal story of coming out will have the effect of championing human rights in your community, city or country, or even the world. But to quote a cliche, the ocean is made up of tiny drops of water. Every tiny act of authenticity helps to build up public awareness to reach the tipping point where real change can take place and help create a better, more inclusive society.