Why do we come out? (Part Two)
This is part two of a three-part post on other reasons why we come out. Read part one here.
Deep in our core, most of us have the desire to come out of the closet. We want to live authentically, be ourselves in the open, and have people love us for being who we are, not who we pretend to be. These are certainly good and just reasons to come out, but there are other reasons we may not often think about.
The following reasons to come out may not be the most obvious, but they are important – some for improving our mental health, some for improving our interpersonal relationships, and others to further the acceptance of our place in society and those of our LGBTQ brothers and sisters.
To normalize ourselves – Do you know someone who is “other”? A foreigner, maybe? Someone of different race, religion, culture, intelligence, or socio-economic status? Have you ever tried to “put people in boxes,” saying “these people are like this” or “all people are ? We often discriminate or stereotype people because we don’t really know them. But those misconceptions usually fade away once we start spending time and become familiar with them. In fact, social scientists have proved that when people know others of a different race, religion or nationality, they are much less likely to be racist or to tolerate racism or religious bias in their presence.
When we’re in the closet, people THINK they know us. But when we come out to them, we show them our true Selves. We show them that gay people are just like everyone else, that we’re all the things they loved in us before we came out. As important as Gay Pride parades have been around the world in fostering awareness of the LGBTQ community, they may have had unintended consequences. The camp fun and outrageousness of men in thongs, in drag, and in various other states of dress/undress presented only one aspect of the gay community. People who don’t directly know anyone who’s LGBTQ may think that ALL gay people wear rainbow jock straps and ride around on floats all day. While nowhere near as exciting or dramatic, Pride parades might do well by featuring people dressed in business suits or military uniforms, or as doctors, nurses, teachers, plumbers, truck drivers, farmers or any other average person in society. If so, people may begin to see LGBTQ people as being as normal as the person next door.
In the meantime, there’s you. Coming out can normalize you in the eyes of loved ones and can dispel myths about the LGBTQ community. (Unless of course you only wear rainbow jock straps and ride around on floats all day…). And, as social scientists know, when straight people know a gay person, they’re far less apt to be homophobic or to tolerate homophobia in their presence.
Dating gets easier – If you’re a gay person, dating can be an evolutionary process. It often begins with shadowy hook-ups, but as the relationship progresses, you may crave more meaningful time together in public. However, the fear of being exposed as a couple can cause anxiety and unease. You might find yourself constantly questioning whether you’re sitting too close or laughing too much, worrying that someone may notice and disapprove. But when you and your partner are able to be open about your relationship, those worries transform into signs of a healthy, enviable relationship. Being able to express love and affection openly without fear of judgement is a fundamental aspect of a successful relationship. It’s a liberating feeling, and you deserve to have that with your partner.
On a related note, finding love and creating a family life in whatever shape or form that takes, is also going to improve greatly when you are out.